Most would agree that much of what NCOs accomplish is done through teaching, coaching and mentoring.

While those three words are similar, they are different.

Teaching involves transferring knowledge to another person, such as providing instruction on how to perform a task.

Coaching involves helping someone improve or get better. An example would be helping a soldier prepare for their promotion board.

Mentoring takes place when there’s a relationship based on trust and respect, where the mentor is vested in the development and success of the mentee.

Typically, mentors have experience in the professional pathway or pursuit of the mentee, and they can provide insight from their own experiences.

During my 34-year Army career, I can only think of one person I would classify as a mentor. I may have been mentored by many, but, by definition, I only had one mentor. A true mentor relationship is so personal that it isn’t something that can be assigned. You might not even know you are in such a relationship until you’ve been in it for a while.

In Your Corner

People in a true mentor-mentee relationship can send their mentor a note or give them a call, knowing they will pick up or respond quickly. Mentees can be vulnerable with their mentors, without fear of judgment, retaliation or breach of confidentiality. In return, mentees can count on total honesty. Sometimes, this might hurt, but mentors will not deliver feedback in a hurtful way.

Sometimes, mentors show up when you need them—even if you didn’t realize you needed them. Mentors also are champions for their mentees, working behind the scenes to position the mentee for opportunities.

My mentor was Command Sgt. Maj. Marvin Hill. The seeds for this relationship were sown in November 2003, when I was an operations sergeant major at Fort Carson, Colorado, and on the appointment list for command sergeant major. Hill was the division command sergeant major for the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) at Fort Campbell, Kentucky.

I sent Hill an email while the division was deployed to Mosul, Iraq, asking if there would be any battalion command sergeant major positions opening in the coming months. I had a reply when I woke up the next morning. “I got it—don’t make contact with [the U.S. Army Human Resources Command]. Stand by.” Twenty days later, I was in Mosul as the command sergeant major for the 3rd Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment.

Hill was my mentor for 14 years.

Help Along the Way

There were so many pearls of wisdom and insights I was able to glean from him that I was able to pass them on to others for almost two decades. Below are just a few examples.

My first week in Mosul, two soldiers from the battalion were killed in separate attacks. I was a new battalion command sergeant major working to ensure our memorial ceremony paid appropriate respect to our fallen soldiers while allowing their comrades to pay tribute to their friends.

On ceremonies, Hill had simple advice: Get the colors and the music right. That single and simple statement stuck with me so much that I wrote a book dedicated to “The Colors,” called Behind the Colors: Where NCO Leadership Lives.

When I was deployed as a brigade command sergeant major, I was given what I believed to be an ultimatum, via email, by a more senior command sergeant major. So, I responded in kind. I may have leaned a little too far over my skis, but I wrote that, in no uncertain terms, I was willing to submit my retirement packet if that would solve the problem. Not even 12 hours later, Hill, who had been forwarded the email, popped into the brigade headquarters for a conversation.

He didn’t come in to scold me for my response. He simply was seeking clarity and understanding. I don’t remember what he said to me, nor do I know what he did behind the scenes, but in the end, it all worked out.

Later, as a division command sergeant major, I was seeking insight into what service above the division level might entail. Hill told me that if I was considering a position where I might deploy again, to make sure it was a position that came with an office at a home station. Then, about four months after I redeployed, he called and asked if I was interested in such a position: one with no home station. As a mentor, he gave me great insights, but he didn’t try to shield me or keep an opportunity from me. He gave me the insights, offered the opportunity and allowed me to make the decision.

Dealing With Difficulty

These are senior-level examples, but the same type of wisdom and insights can be gleaned from the ranks of sergeant through first sergeant. What would be a better assignment, recruiter or drill sergeant? Discussions about how to approach difficult conversations or deal with individuals who have character flaws are important as a mentee tries to address these challenging situations. Another challenge leaders at these levels struggle with is preparing difficult NCO evaluation reports, recommendations for promotion or awards, and accountability.

Mentorship is a powerful tool. It’s a relationship between individuals who work together over time to support personal and professional growth, development and success.

It is possible to use mentorship as a tool, but to hold the title of mentor is special and rare.

Command Sgt. Maj. Scott Schroeder, U.S. Army retired, is the managing member of the Proximity Group, a business consulting company based in Charlotte, North Carolina. He served 34 years in the Army, retiring in 2017 as command sergeant major of the U.S. Army Forces Command. He is an Association of the U.S. Army leadership fellow.